I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
