Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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