I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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