i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
