from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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