dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
