at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
