I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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