it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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