Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
My life is pants optional.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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