Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
