im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
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