he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
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