im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
