it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
