doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
