I want to walk on stilts...naked
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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