i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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