I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
