so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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