soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
