I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
