is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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