We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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