just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
