when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
