Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
