Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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