4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
