Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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