He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
