Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I intend to get homeless drunk
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
