I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
