they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
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