I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
You smell like stripper and shame
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
