Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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