I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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