that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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