Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
