Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Just puked most of my soul out..
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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