i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
