he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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