I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
