Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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