Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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