I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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