not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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