Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
this hospital has no fireball
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
