if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
