My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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